What do you get when you cross Capegirl and too much caffiene? Apparently, this:
To all those who love me, love to hate me, pay me money to do work, sired me, or otherwise know me:
Leave me alone.
If you are confused in any way as to what this might mean, here is a list of DOs and DON'Ts:
Do not send me badly worded requests do to work for you – word your e-mails cautiously, as though I were a queen, or I won't write a damn word for you. Ever again.
Do not urge me to increase my premiums on my retirement annuity, I am poor and young.
Do not ask me what is for dinner, some kind of food that you will make yourself, I expect.
Do not blame for the stuff that's in your head. It's your stuff, you figure it out.
Do not mess with my dog, I will crush you.
Do not even attempt to get into a battle of wills or words with me, see above for what I will do.
Do not tickle me or try to playfight with me, I watch WWF and I am stronger than you. You won't win.
Do not even try to get me to smile, I am grumpy and I like it that way.
Do not rent bad movies and expect me to watch them.
Do not try to teach me…anything!
DO NOT under any circumstances try to get me to do things for you. Make your own coffee.
Do not ask me if I have PMS. Unless you want to die.
DO buy me pie and serve it with a smile and ice cream
DO let me have my way in all matters pertaining to pie and ice cream.
DO be nice to me, no matter what I say.
DO laugh at my jokes.
DO call me a princess, even if I am scowling.
DO be nice to my dog. That way I won't have to crush you.
I shall now retreat under my cape.
Feeling better now?