We do not choose who we love. Love, in fact, just happens to us. We have no control over it. There is no logic in our choice and we are helpless to stop it.
Do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
I would love to hear from everybody!
Capegirl the Fantastic
HI Cape,I agree and for me I can prove it 🙂 It’s all about FATE and the will of God.My oldest sister told me not to long ago that God freed me from my bonds with my children for greater things.I believe this too however, finding these greater things is my challenge so I guess it’s back to Egypt where DREAMS DO COME TRUE.Love and hugsEve
Hi CapeGirlThat’s an interesting topic! I am going to distinguish between Love and Attraction. I do think we can control who we love – I don’t think we can control who we are attracted to. The most determined person can push themselves away from someone they don’t want to love. And I think the best kind of love is the one we make out of free will and choice – because it comes unconditionally, and it asks for nothing in return.Well, that’s just my thoughts on the matter – I could be really wrong though. It could also mean that I don’t believe in “Love at first sight” :)JCL.
Hello CGYes, I believe you’re correct. No one can control who they fall in love with. And after falling in love happens, a person can control some of the circumstances afterward, but being in love doesn’t go away. A person may choose to be determined (as JCL indicated) to push someone way from them for what ever reason, but the love remains, even after the person is gone. You don’t forget true love. You will remember that person every single day for the rest of your life, even if you never, ever see them again. You will think about that person every single day of your life, even if they treated you badly and you determined it was time to bail out.The good new is, true love can happen more than once. Really!
Hi Cape!Well, I think we don’t choose who we fall in love with but I guess we can choose with who we want our love to go on or not.Once I fell in love with my friend’s girl. I was pretty sure I was feeling something really strong for her, but there was nooo way for me to believe it could work (for obvious reasons).What I did? I fled! :)I tried to stay away as much as I could, and it did work. Tried to focus on my job and little by little I started seeing her again, here and there, casually, and I understood that the best was done.Falling in love is not part of our menu of choices, but carrying it on is under our control. I guess…Listening to Janis Joplin – ‘Take Another Little Piece of My Heart’Thanks for reading,Dan
Hi Eve, Dan, JCL and K4 and thanks for commenting.I think that love involves a series of choices even if most of them are on a sub-conscious level. For example – why are we attracted to certain physical characteristics and not others and yet can still fall in love with somebody who has none of these characteristics?I think when we fall in love we are making a series of extremely quick choices. So fast are these happening that we don’t even realize it. And they are based on a variety of factors..physical, chemical, psychological, hormonal, mental etc.Science seems to suggest that we are in fact attracted to people on a bio-chemical level reacting to chemicals in the skin and perspiration that denote a good genetic match. A match in fact that will ameliorate our own weaknesses.I find this weird to ponder. Because it probably means that ‘love’ is far more about reproduction than it is about any higher purpose. Knowing what I do about biology I am inclined to think it’s probably got a lot to do with it.I was interested to read that most felt that attraction was out of our hands but not whether we choose to pursue love or not. I agree with this for the most part. I also think that love cannot be turned off like a tap, even though we can choose not to drink from the fountain.Sometimes loving somebody can actually be bad for us and good for us at the same time. I think it can teach us so much that cannot be learned in any other form.
CapeGirl, I really like that biological explanation – it just makes so much sense. Don’t you think that it’s possible that as humans we overly-complicate situations by attaching too much meaning to things? But I guess that’s what makes us human in the end: the ability to contemplate.JCL.
I do not aree at all! 😉 I wrote about love on: http://my.opera.com/Nyingje/blog/show.dml/51491#commentsOne must control feelings, otherwise others might be hurt.IMHO.With love anyway,Nyingje
I have to take the middle road on this: our hearts decide who we love, we can use our minds to decide on how far that love goes or whether it will stay with us.People can fall truly, madly, deeply in love with each other. They can then outgrow that love, say, by growing apart. Or they might just see each other for what they really are.For example, my girlfriend in college was all that I thought about for more than a year. Then we started dating and we figured out that we just didn’t like each other all that much. We were still in love, mind you. You can hate somebody with every fiber of your being and still love them.
I have to take the middle road on this: our hearts decide who we love, we can use our minds to decide on how far that love goes or whether it will stay with us.People can fall truly, madly, deeply in love with each other. They can then outgrow that love, say, by growing apart. Or they might just see each other for what they really are.For example, my girlfriend in college was all that I thought about for more than a year. Then we started dating and we figured out that we just didn’t like each other all that much. We were still in love, mind you. You can hate somebody with every fiber of your being and still love them.
Love is the equation between two people. I guess we send out waves of affection, which can be sensed by the object of our love, and usually they respond. Love without sex, meaning: friendship, affection, warmth, devotion…, is easier because you are allowed that with many people at the same time. But the love we are speaking of, entails commitment, and then people stop listening to their hearts and start thinking with their heads. Then sometimes love drowns in the sea of social values.We have control over our love, as much control we have when playing a comp game with random elements. Random elements: God, luck, nature…But action has its rewards. Act on your love, and the probability of winning increases manyfold.Good luck to your love, CapeGirl!Ashok
Dear Capegirlan interesting topic, and a lively discussion…my two cents worth…I believe we love the people that have been sent to us, and we seek one another out through the actions of our daily lives…when we are capable of loving ourselves enough, someone out there will recognise it, and respond accordingly…I believe this is true for the love we have for a partner, as well as the love we have for children.Everyone is sent to us so we can learn from them, or for them to learn from us…ergo, I agree with the statement “We do not choose who we love. Love, in fact, just happens to us. We have no control over it. There is no logic in our choice and we are helpless to stop it.”
Love is an infection of the brain distorting our perception, leaving us helpless at the mercy of people we no longer see clearly. Giving them powers that in general will be abused. We tend to blame our failure to fullfill commitment in relationship on love, denying our social responsebilities and willpower. I do believe that true and unselfish love excist, but that the common rule today is that it is used as an excuse for selfish and self centered behavior. Trice married I am still searching. I hope you will find it in your life time. Good luck to you CapeGirl !
We need to understand love. The first thing we should understand is that love is not an emotion. It is not something that just happens. It does not grow on its own. It is not uncontrollable. Love is a choice. Love was best defined to me as “delighting in the obligations which relationships impose upon us.” I think this is very accurate. We have to understand that we can choose to love or not. We can choose to enjoy what we are doing or not. Much of this has to do with one’s outlook on life in general. This is where I think many relationships are messed up. Marriage is built on love, but love is not the giddy feelings that one gets, or the butterflies in one’s stomache. Those can be results of love, but the real fruit of love, is in the selfless giving of oneself to another person, even to your own detriment. This also has to do with magnanimity. Many people enter into a relationship and expect to be “wooed” by the other person. In other words, they enter into the relationship with selfish motives. Life is never going to stay emotionally “happy” all the time, and it is naive to assume that a relationship should be based on the existence of “happy go lucky” emotions which will never exist forever.Now, it must be acknowledged that while love is ultimately a choice, there are things which prompt it. While I believe it is perfectly possible to love someone who is completely unworthy of that love (God has), it is important to realize that there is almost always some “worth” either directly or indirectly that motivates us to give of ourselves voluntarily to another. This is love. So, perhaps you may see some ridiculously immature 27 year old who makes a fool of himself daily. There may be very little to love about him, but because you believe in the Christian way, you will love him, because you have a motivation to do so. In a marriage, I think it is essential that your partner have innate and unchangeable characteristics which are “good” in your sight, something that you can see and find the person worthy of love. You should be motivated to love someone not out of changeable qualities, but by deep and convicting parts about them that are worthy to be loved. But when things start becoming less loveable, it is essential that one realizes that love is still a choice, and you have to be willing to “stick it out.”
Hi dear Cape!I’m really happy.Be back,Dan
I DISAGREE. We choose love subconsciously and consciously. That is why the rich woman never falls in love with the poor man, why the white man rarely falls in love with the black woman. If love were truly “random”, it would appear more random than it actually is. However, people generally “fall in love” with someone who is like them (mutual) or someone who they would like to be like (non-mutual).Love is an emotion. If you have ever stopped yourself from crying, you can just as easily stop yourself from falling in love. Both are strong emotions. Some people are just better at blocking out emotions than others which is why many people who express their emotions will say that they “cannot control.”I would like to think otherwise, but experience and life have taught me different.(By the way, that is a great question.)
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i’m going to write about this soon. this is a favorite subject of mine and it will require some serious pondering.my first take thoughafter reading all of these coments carefully, is that it’s a mystery. it’s one of those noone really knows subjects like god and the afterlife.also i think we should have about ten different words for love because there is a lot of confusion which only new words and ideas will sort out.just for example… “i love ice cream.”love you….
love love love love love!I choose to love everything. I can’t help it.
yes friend what u said is correctalthough if we succeed in love then also there is no guarantee that continues till the end of lifeit may changes by time