When you say "I love you" what do you really mean? I'll tell you what the words "I love you" mean to me:
When I say I love you it means that I respect that you are an individual, that you are separate from me. I like that about you and I want that for you. I don't want you to be "my other half" That makes both of us half without the other. I don't want that for you. You have always been whole. As have I.
When I say I love you I mean I care about you and your life. It doesn't mean I'll live it for you, or live my life through you. I don't want you to live my life for me or yours through me.
When I say I love you it means I'll hear you and I'll talk to you. I'll do both, not just one. When it's appropriate I'll still my voice and close my ears and leave you alone. We all need solitude sometimes.
When I say I love you it means I'm your friend and your lover. I am both – sometimes separately, sometimes at the same time. Sometimes I'm your caretaker, but I'm not your therapist, and I won't expect you to be mine. What this means is: I am here for you but you need to love yourself enough to start dealing.
When I say I love you, I won't allow you to use me as an addictive power in your life. I am not your 'everything', your 'nothing' or your 'anything'. I am none of these things. If you need a 12-step programme to let me go, you've got a problem. I want you to live authentically, without crutches and shiny things that help you hide.
When I say I love you, I'll be there when you need me, but I won't let you use that grace to wriggle out of facing up to the issues you need to sort through in your own heart. Do you think I would sit idly by as you shirk from loving yourself? Enable you, to boot? I love you. Remember?
When I say I love you, I honor those words. I may not always get it right at exactly the time you need it. I promise to always try though. I don't use the words lightly and I don't expect you to either.
When I say I love you, I say "thank you" to whatever brought us together… for the gift that is you. If we should ever need to part, I will thank whatever tore us apart for the gift that is you. You will be a gift to me whichever way our love turns out.
When I say I love you I hold my arms out to you. You may choose to walk into them or walk away. When I love you, I let you choose.
When I say I love you, I will love you whether you are sick or you are well. I won't however let you neglect yourself. I won't let you drink, eat, depress, or medicate yourself to death. I won't let you do that. I love you, remember?
When I love you, I won't always be who you thought I'd be. I'll be better and I'll be worse, but I'll still love you.
When I love you I'll set boundaries for my own protection and I'll encourage you to do the same. I'll expect you to respect them and I'll respect your measure of security.
When I love you I won't abuse you, demean you or cheat you out of decency and respect. If I fail, I will reframe my behavior so that if falls in line with how I'd like to be treated, and treat you accordingly.
When I say I love you I accept I may not be the best thing for you. Right now, for a while or ever. I accept that because I want what's best for you. What we want isn't always what we need.
When I say I love you it is bittersweet. It is bittersweet because I know that one day I will lose you. Not one of us will live forever. When I say I love you, and mean it, I know that one day it will break my heart. Loving you will do that to me. That's ok, I love you. Remember?
Michelle
Oh my God. This is probably the best post ever.
That is amazing Michelle. 🙂
Love is a pain in the ass (allthough it’d take less words to describe a pain in the ass).Anyway, I agree for the most parts but aren’t all these a bit technical? (OK – now I pissed you off, didn’t I? :P) I mean that maybe one should take a more “Just do it” approach (btw, I hate Nike but it’s slogan is good). Loving is a state of heart and each one may experience it a bit different than another. For example I wouldn’t dissmiss an I-can’t-live-without-you approach even if a psycologist might see a pathology in it, because for me many more parts of loving consitute an annoying but sweet pathology.Just my two cents (can I also have a receipt please?)
No, everything you say is true. It’s just that the whole scheme needs a bit of “cloud walking” poetry. Yet, if certain rules aren’t kept then love is more harm than good which is unacceptable by every account.
I’m a cloud walker of note, didn’t you know? ;)I like that we face realities too though. I’m learning to blend the two quite peacably these days. They’re becoming balanced, and I like that. :)I think if we just looked at things calmly and not like we’re trying to win a competition or trying to fight a war, we might just learn something. anyway, i’m also still learning here, on this journey called life. which it must be said is a bit of a cloud walk when viewed from a distance! 😀
nope not pissed off at all zerog! this post was aimed at a certain type of dysfunctional view that many people in relationships hold. The divorce rate is not what it is for nothing!I personally want to be happy not right, so I’ll do what it takes to make that work for me. Love may well be pathology – especially at the beginning of a relationship! That’s not for me. If you’ve found a way that works for you, then by all means ignore this post! I, personally, see too many disasters among friends and family, based on illusory views of love. By which i mean, seeing heros and saviors in love interests, as opposed to human beings. I’m pretty sure they understand exactly where this post is coming from. thanks also Sarah and Dillon!
Wow, an amazing thought-provoking post :up:
Imperfection is perfection…Nice post, nice words
Thanks Marcus – thinking’s always good. not too much though. maybe some blankness is a good idea too. drool.gdare.. it sure is. that was actually underlying that whole post. glad you liked it darth.
There is a point in this perception. It is surely more interesting to go along with someone different from you. Otherwise it’s just you and you (or even a 1/2 + 1/2), which is not that fun. But I would rather call this something like a ‘contemplating love’, not just ‘love’. I think that traditionally, people call ‘love’ a more deep psychological integration, and I believe it provides some unique and probably valueable feelings. I can’t say for sure, it never happened to me… perhaps yet :)It looks just like you are a stongly independent person, Michelle 🙂
a contemplating love?? i love that. just love it. i definitely think that people who are different from us are very interesting to be with and more..they are challenging and help us grow. i wouldn’t want a lover to be my twin, not at all. on the other hand i have found that similar values are critical to making a relationship work. you need to at least have some common ground there. i think. although if the bond is strong anything can be worked through and worked into being. it’s creative. love is.
May the Force be with you!
beautiful!!!!! :up:
:love:beautiful and sweet…loved it!
Beautiful! :)But about “When I say I love you I accept I may not be the best thing for you.”… in my personal experience isn’t easy (for me) to say “i love you” when i don’t feel to be the best lover for a girl… this uncertainty serves to me in order to become always better and to deserve me to love… :heart:I can say “I love you” only when I feel myself strong in my life, without troubles… :DBye!
Hello,It’s so true and well written but… You just made me realize I probably need a therapist 🙂
The love that is born in the difficulties is beautiful as a flower in the desert… a flower between stones… 🙂
gdare> i feel…like…IT IS! :)and thanks!! AND right back at ya!isabel> i must do the rounds on your blog soon, too! and thanks beautiful girl! :Db.lau> thanks so much. i’m not always sweet though! but love doesn’t always have to “look” good to be good!orso> i really understand that, actually. and yes, love is “better” or maybe smoother, when you are in a position of strength. by which i don’t mean over another, but within. this means you’re more realisitic and can place trust in another, since you know you’d handle whatever went wrong or..right for that matter! but i don’t think love can only exist in a trouble free zone. since trouble comes along for us all now and then, love needs only to accept that is does. i think anything can be worked through by a willing spirit.Thanks so much everyone for reading and commenting. you’re all excellent! :heart:
dalu> nothing wrong with therapy! it means you’re open to change, to movement and realistic about your issues. be your own therapist! ask yourself how you feel, answer yourself, listen, work a plan, work a plan, work a plan to get where you’d feel more comfortable. but whatever you do, don’t charge yourself a fortune and just nod! ;)orso> i think so, actually. just so long as both parties are willing to bend a little so they don’t break. 🙂
I would say that I agree with orso’s opinion, but when I read capegirl’s I have to admit she’s right!!:wink:a strong love only can survive if both want to!
🙂 perhaps sometimes we have to wait for each other to catch up, or set things aside and reflect. i don’t have a romantic view of love anymore. sure fantasy is lovely to think on and has a place in creative work etc. i’ve too many bumps on my head from being well…swept off my feet! “ouchety-ouch-ouch-ouch!” unhand me you crazy dreamers!
I put a link to this on my page Michelle! :heart: :happy:
well michelle, me neither! but we’re always wanting a love… and deep in the heart, we wish the great one exists!:)
thank isabel! that’s really good of you! i’ll be catching up with all the blogs next week! hope you’re doing well! you always make the blog comments section sunny! :)blaud> unfortunately and thankfully..you are quite RIGHT! ;D
thanks Michelle and you know you do too! (make the comments sunny.. 😀 ) :heart:
OBRIGADO!!!!!! 😀
😀